Ryan Gregory McIver turned 28 on Wednesday!  This is my favorite picture of him when he was little, taken on a perfect fall day while jumping in piles of leaves at my grandparents house in Grant Park.  I can still hear the laughter coming from Ryan & Katie as they tumbled in the huge piles.  And the big smiles on my grandparents face & my grandmother's giggles as they watched.  This picture tells a story of what Ryan has brought to our lives - always so full of joy & ready for fun!  After looking at this picture closely again on Wednesday, I realized why I love this next picture of him taken on his wedding day 
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He was so full of joy that day too!  Why wouldn't he be?  He found the love of his life and he was about to make her his wife.  As a parent you always hope your child will find someone who loves them as much if not more than you do.  Ryan found that in Melissa.  Their Wedding Day  was another perfect day, full of family, friend, love and laughter.  
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Ryan has had a year full of memories!  And he finished off the year graduating with his Masters from Georgia State.  Another perfect day surrounded by those who love him.  
Happy Birthday Ryan!!  We are so proud of you & the man you have become!  Can't wait to see what the future has in store for you!
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We celebrated Hallie's short little life this past Saturday and what a glorious service it was. Thank you to everyone that came and cried, hugged and gave our whole family strength.  Thank you to everyone that could not be there but were sending out prayers - we felt them.  I have watched the beginning video clip over and over.  To see her breathing really got me.  And to show her gripping my finger - I could feel the touch of her little fingers or little feet resting in my hands - it was such a gift.  I don't want to ever forget that touch.

There is a reason that each of us are in each others lives.  The one thought that keeps going through my head is the parable in John about the Great Shepherd.  And how if he had a 100 sheep but one is lost, he will go after that one sheep. That  every lost sheep is important.  That each one of us are important.  Now I am not saying that our Hallie was a prophet or shepherd, but  I do know that  she was given to us by the one Great Shepherd.  She was given to us for just such a short time but that was all it took to change lives.  And what if all  that Katie & Chris & our whole family have gone through and continue to go through was so YOUR life would be changed.  That YOU would be changed. That YOU were the one lost sheep that the Great Shepherd was coming after.

May God lay on each of our hearts who know and love Him to love a little deeper and forgive a little easier and help Him with shepherding His sheep. And may we never stop being sheep who know and follow the voice of the Great Shepherd. 

With Love & Blessings,
julie 
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I’ve written about the birth of each of my beautiful granddaughters, Bella and Farrah, on my old blog - http://theblondefamily.blogsome.com/.  I could not let the birth of our little angel Hallie go by without letting the world know how she has changed my life and all the ones that loved her.

As I start to write this, Christmas Eve has just begun. Our  whole family is  here and it is truly a silent night. My daughter is in the next  room, knowing  that her sweet Hallie is about to leave her arms and be in the  arms of our  Heavenly Father.  Katie  & Chris are strong. They make us want to be strong.  I've always heard the hardest thing you will ever do is lose a child. I think it  is harder to watch your child lose her child, especially a sweet child that we  love so much. A  child that since the moment she came into this world has been  in the arms of  someone who loves her. She has known unconditional love. I  always want to  remember the feel the grip of her little hand around my finger. It was almost  like holding the hand of God, because she was so close to Heaven.  The way she would hold on to your finger, it was almost like she was trying to comfort us, not the other way around.

I am reflecting back to the day  that Katie called me with the  diagnosis. The words we didn't want to hear -  Trisomy 13 - severe birth defects, usually don't make full  term, if they do survive birth, only live days. I remember writing the words on  a sheet of paper and then putting a big X right  through them, over and over  again.  How could this be happening to my daughter? To our sweet Chris? Why us?


I was on a youth mission trip - Salkehatchie - in South  Carolina when I got the news. All I wanted from that moment on was to come home,  see my daughter, tell her I loved her. After saying my goodbyes and without  telling anyone, I headed home the next morning. That solo car ride was filled  with tears, prayer, yelling at God, asking "Why is this happening?" Why  us?

I walked in the kitchen door and Gregg turned around  shocked  that I was home. But he knew immediately why I had returned 5 days  early. We got  in the car and headed to Atlanta to see Katie. I needed to hug  her. I needed to see her more for me than for her. She also was not surprised  that I was home.

The following months of the pregnancy were like any  other pregnancy - full of ultrasounds and doctors’ visits. Each time someone  congratulated me about my new grandchild; it was always hard to decide. Should I  tell the truth, that my granddaughter will not survive? Or should I just smile  and say we are praying for a Christmas miracle. Why is this happening? Why us?

December 19th was the big day - Hallie's birthday. Katie  could  not decide between a regular delivery or a C-section. She prayed that the  decision would be clear - Hallie made the decision clear. She was turned  sideways and try as they might, the doctors could not turn her.  So C-section it  was. We all sat silently, praying, waiting to hear if Hallie was born and if she  was alive. Yes!! The news that we wanted to hear!! Katie is doing great &
Hallie is alive! Oh, I can't wait to see my daughter & hold Hallie in my arms.

What follows next is hours filled with family, holding Hallie, just living in the moment. Yes, she had a cleft palette and her eyes  were deep set but otherwise she looked like a normal little baby. She was just  so sweet.  And because of this as I think back, I believe we all thought that  she would survive. That anything that was wrong with her could be fixed.  And I  remember being anxious for the cardiologist to come and do an ultrasound. I  wanted to believe that the news would be that they were wrong, that the heart  was perfectly fine. Why was I in a hurry? Because after that ultrasound, our world came crashing down. It would only be a matter of time before her little  heart would give out. Why is this happening to my grandchild? Why  us?

Hallie went home on Thursday, 4 days old. Katie had always wanted to get her home, to be with her family. But we heard there were  storms coming our way. Should we wait? No, let's get her home. I'll never forget  Chris saying that the storms coming were a metaphor for their life, that he felt  like they were driving straight into a storm. But we headed out right at rush  hour, right in the middle of the storm! Gregg & I were right behind  them, anticipating the homecoming & how excited the girls were going to be  to have Hallie home. But right there, right in the middle of the storm, our  truck broke down, on the side of 400. Right now prayers should be said for  Gregg, because I feel apart. Why is this happening!! I want to be with Katie  & Hallie. I want to see the faces of my other precious granddaughters when  they realize not only is Hallie home but also their mama!! But here we sit, rain  pouring down around us, strangers just passing us by on their way home or out to  buy last minute Christmas gifts.  Do they not realize that my world is tumbling  down around me? That my granddaughter is sick?  I turned to look at their faces  as they rolled past. When drivers might feel my gaze & turn to look at me, I  truly believe they saw the sadness on my face & looked away. I probably  would have done the same thing. I was wanting to jump out of the truck and start  running. But since I can't run unless it's downhill and the rain was torrential,  I decided I would have to wait for AAA. Like I said, Gregg is a saint, or maybe  he was having his own meltdown. Why is this happening to us?

We got the surprise of our life that night that I will  be eternally grateful for - a visit from Santa. Family friends had gone earlier  that day to have their picture made holding a “Hope for Hallie” sign.  After Santa heard the story of Hallie, he wanted our contact information because he wanted to come see our little angel.  Late that night, after he worked a full  day, Santa battled the rain and traffic to come make our day a little brighter.  And boy did he ever!  He brought gifts, ate cookies with Bella and Farrah and  posed for pictures with Hallie and family.  Santa asked if he could say a   prayer before he left for our little angel and then lead us in singing “Silent  Night”.  I will never forget it. Never.

Friday started out a restful day.   Katie napped and I held Hallie for hours, just watching her sleep, my new   favorite thing to do.  But as the day went on, she started showing signs of  distress.  Katie and Chris had been a team throughout this journey and that is  what they became that night.  Katie wanted to hold her sweet Hallie and Chris  wanted to protect the stillness, the  little moments.  What a perfect night,  a silent night.  We were all gathered there even though we had not planned it  that way.  We prayed for peace, for comfort, for sweet Hallie.  But at  12:30 Christmas Eve morning she passed from the loving arms of her  mama to the arms of our Heavenly Father. She knew nothing but love. Unconditional love.  
  
Why us I asked many times?  I know why now.  In Katie's words on her blog   " In a weird way, we're  honored to experience this trial, as we know that  we will grow deeper and stronger in our faith in God."  And in her short life, Hallie has affected more  people than most people do in a lifetime.  We have heard from people from all  over the world that their faith has been strengthened or have turned back to  God.  Because of her, I have a new focus.  I want to be that amazing family that everyone thinks we are.   I want to be a better person.   I want to do more to  continue the story that Hallie has started. That everyone should feel the  unconditional love of God.

The staff of  Northside Hospital was amazing.  They loved Hallie as much as we did.  They
supplied us with a private room that we could be right across the hall so we  could be close.  And I got to spend some great bonding time with Chris's mom and  the rest of the Green family that I will always cherish.  Thank you to each and  every one of you that have prayed with us and for us, phone calls, emails,  texts, brought food, you name it.  Each and every act of kindness and  love  was felt by us all. 

The night before she left the hospital, I read a  book, “On The Night You Were Born” to Hallie while Gregg rocked her and Katie  slept nearby. So much of this book sounded like it was written for Hallie but it is so written for everyone.Inside the front cover are the  words:

                                For  you are fearfully and wonderfully made…
                                                     Psalms 139

                                          On the night you were born, 
                                   The moon smiled with such wonder
                                   That the stars peeked in to see you
                                       And the night wind whispered, 
                                        "Life will never be the same.”
                            Because there had never been anyone like you… 
                                                 Ever in the world.
                                     And it never will, not ever again…



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